LIVING INSIDE OURSELVES

As we walk through life , we discover many aspects of ourselves. We discover the inner structure of what exists and the outer layer of what covers it all up. In my opinion , nothing matters more than what lies beneath the outter layer. We can exist , smiling our way through our daily life, weather it be happy or sad .... And thats all good. We can present ourselves in a way that only the wisest of men can be able to decipher , hiding all that ails us and damages us within. We can pretend to be anyone we want .. living a life of  deception and theatrical prowess.   We can be sad but act glad... we can be depressed but show normalcy, we can be decieving but show trustfulness, we can have evil intentions and self gratifying motives but  portray love and a giving heart. We can go through life with that mask on all the time.

But.... the truth is we cannot hide from ourselves or God. We can show anything we want and portray ourselves as anything we want people to believe we are. The truth always finds its way back to the surface. We know who we are inside. We have to live with ourselves for 24 hours a day . There's no fooling us. And there's no fooling God. Our conscience is our "Little devil on the left shoulder and our little angel on the right one". There's someone that's always there holding us accountable for every word muttered from our mouths and every thought that makes their way through our brain housing group.  We show different aspects of our personailty, based on what we hold inside. We build walls based on our fears and abuse that we have experienced in our life. Only we know the real person inside... and know why we do what we do and say what we say. We all have a past . God knows every single hurt and defect that exists within . The masks need to come off and we need to look at ourselves square in the face and stop pretending. Open the gates and release the demons that ail us and   the lies  that mutilate everything that god has given us thats good! I am guilty of all of this , we all are guilty of this. We hide behind the hurt and devastation that has accrued over our lifetime. God is the only one that can remove that mask. Tonight, I am turning over my mask to him . I am tired of hiding behind the abuse, guilt, hurt , devastation, and aching heart that so exists in my life . I will pray that god will give me the strength to move on ... because right now I am at my lowest point. I have never been at this level before and  the pain overpowers me . God willing I can break through it all and emerge with brighter days and a renewal of spirit.   DQ